It just seems like I haven't been on top of things...I remember all the tasks that I must complete before my move, but I don't know how to do some of them, or I don't think ahead enough to get them accomplished before the "due date," or I have just been slacking altogether because of the overwhelming to-do-list I have.
Why do people give me reminders? To rub it in my face that "Yeah, you got this to do. Remember that?" "I know I do." "Oh that's fine, I'm just giving you a gentle reminder" for the umpteenth time. Is that supposed to tell me something? Is this supposed to tell me that I need to straighten up and get to it? Or is this a "Hey, do you not know of this that you have to do? Have you forgotten already?"
I mean, what kind of crap is it that I have to do: class presentation next week, deciding flower arrangements, online-class assignments, filing my taxes manually, composing the actual guest list, scheduling an eye appointment, what exact day I'm moving down, anticipating when I'm finally done at the pub, arrange a meeting about the wedding invitations, I mean...
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!
I'm only one person! I know that by getting those things out of the way, I'll be just dandy when they're all over...
I feel like my future life is difficult to plan...and organize...and at times insanely crazy...is there something truly wrong with me, or is it that I need that spark of motivation with the "big" things? I feel like I need a break all the time...yeah, it may not be as stressful as other people have been through, but still...
I guess I can tolerate so much planning...I've never been good at that :) Because I don't care how it gets done, as long as it gets done...I'm pretty easy going with the "following" flow...but assign me to lead, I get insecure with myself, as if I have reason to believe that I cannot lead worth jack...Where's the potential within myself? Where's the confidence? Where's the assurance? Where can anything be in me?
Can I ever make anything right for myself and feel great about doing these things? Why do I stumble myself?
God lift my head high, because I'm weak to live out your will for me and my life. Still my mind, my heart, and soul to do the assignments with time. Help me to know how to do these things to the best of my abilities. "...So I stand here in silence, awaiting your guidance, I'm only wanting your voice to be heard..." Magnificient song that just popped in my head (Aaron Shust - Give Me Words to Speak)...I pray that it can still ring true right now...
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