Calamity Within

In disaster, I falter

Throughout destruction, I am shaken

From indecision comes internal doubt

Hatred clouds true judgment
Zombified to routine despite calling for desperation in vigor

I am idiosyncrasy

I am chaos

I am rage

I am weakness
I am wreckage

I am impatience

I am frustration

I am bitterness

Procrastination keeps presenting itself

In hopes that a divine inspiration could kickstart a refreshment to life

Failing to comprehend of what can stir within

Unbeknownst of the trail ahead
What is this being capable of?

The mind is tormented to choose wisely

The heart is conflicted with split obedience
The soul is retched with impending thoughts
The spirit is weathered from disturbance

I am falling

I am afraid
I am lacking

I am uncontrollable

I am divided

I am uncertain
I am empty

I am wasting

To believe in thyself can come at a cost

The "what ifs" arise with intensity

And yet, there is marvelous discovery

Something unshaken in courage

Something spectacular in admiration

Something sustaining in devotion
But to dig for this gold seems to present a futile dream
Its hopelessness thrives in the crux

Where is redemption from this turmoil?
Where is peace to the overwhelms of life?
Where is inner strength to venture forth?
Where is answer to the enigmatic teasers?
Where is art to rejection?
Where is meaning to function?
Where is angle to affirmation?

I fail to be persistence
I fail to be resolution
I fail to be delighted
I fail to be focused
I fail to be faithful
I fail to be love

God, where do You truly need me?
Father, what do You sincerely see in me?
Savior, how can You possibly love me?
Spirit, why can't I salvage the words to pray?

What is stacked with importance?
What is most heartfelt and meaningful?
What is fueled with generous involvement?
My compass needs to point here
I beg, show me Your way...